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Chasing Cars

October 28, 2014

Carmen Electra 2013.jpg

There’s one thing they really should teach you in skydiving school. Which is what to do when your tandem partner, who is in control of the parachute, misjudges your landing zone, coming down hard in the middle of a busy six-lane highway, knocking the wind out of you, almost getting you creamed by an Isuzu Trooper and winding up looking like a plate of squished spaghetti! It missed me by inches, I felt it’s body brush against my hair! There is some truth in the clichés about your life flashing in front of your eyes, it happened to me, and it was much, much too short!

My name is Bob, my partner, Frank and I have been together for over seven years, we went everywhere and did everything together, until that is, that fateful day. Frank panicked and froze in the face of the danger. He hit the harness release and ran for it, leaving me trembling and helpless, alone in the middle of the street! The only reason that I didn’t get turned into roadkill is that a gorgeous transvestite dressed up as Carmen Electra stopped to help me. He slammed on his brakes, skidded to a stop, lunged out of a fire-engine red Ferrari, scooped me up securely in his strong manly arms and carried me away to safety on the shoulder. He also yelled at Frank about forgetting to grab me.

I broke up with Frank because of the incident, I just can’t trust him anymore. I’ve been living with Carmen/Carl for the last six months and we’re very happy together. I have complete faith in him.

There is one drawback, however, because of the trauma I suffered I’ve had to start seeing a shrink. I’m having anxiety attacks, experiencing nightmares, and am feeling depressed because I’m completely unable to perform one of my favorite activities. How would you feel about not doing something you enjoyed and were really good at? I used to love chasing cars, but now in my sleep, they chase after me! The image of that silver behemoth of an SUV barreling down on me will haunt me to the end of my days, which is ironic really, considering that I’m a Shetland Sheepdog.


370 Words in response to Finish That Thought #2-17, Special Challenge: Include TWO of the following: an isuzu Trooper, a Shetland sheepdog, a plate of spaghetti, Carmen Electra

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