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The Not So Great Escape

September 9, 2014

The day that Nana dyed her hair neon-green was the day the news broke that notorious mass murderer John “The Chef” Baxter had escaped from police custody. The entire family saw the whole thing. My brother came rushing into the house, yelling. “Quick, turn on the news, our grandmother has just been kidnapped by that nasty killer the police finally caught!”

You see, it just so happened that Nana’s favorite beauty salon was located next door to the police station and on that particular day there was a news crew there doing a special about cutting edge styles for senior citizens. For some unfathomable reason Baxter ignored all of the new, speedy vehicles and instead decided that Nana’s antique lipstick-red Cadillac convertible would make the perfect getaway car. He leapt in through the open roof, pointing his stolen pistol in her face. “Get out bitch!” He screamed. The bored cameraman and reporter were quick to focus on the action, sensing a breaking story.

She tsked at him. “Language young man, language. I won’t budge an inch until you apologize.”

A torrent of policemen poured out of the station. “God damn it lady! All right, already, I’m sorry for calling you that name. Now will you get out of the car?”

“Apology accepted, but you forgot to say please.” She scolded. “And I most certainly will not get out, this is my vehicle and I go where it goes.” Nana being Nana, haughtily refused.

“Then drive woman, drive! Put the petal to the metal!” His finger tightening on the trigger, he screamed in seething frustration.

Nana complied. She put the car into gear, carefully backed out and drove off down the road. The cameraman darted after them catching every moment.

The only problem was that Nana’s top speed was only forty miles per hour. “Can’t get this heap to go any faster?” He fretted.

“I’m afraid not.” Thus the policemen racing after them in hot pursuit caught them a mere three blocks later.

They pulled him fighting and swearing from the caddy, cuffed him, and hauled him away, capturing it all on film.

The chief of police himself took Nana’s statement. “Weren’t you afraid ma’am?” He asked with some concern, Nana being a little bit of a thing, standing just over five feet tall and weighing a scant one hundred and ten pounds.

Nana sniffed in disapproval. “Certainly not, it was just a childish prank!”

“Um, ma’am that was the infamous mass murderer John “The Chef” Baxter.”

“I don’t care how famous or infamous he was. That still doesn’t change the fact that that young man has a lot of growing up to do yet. He would not have been caught if only he had asked me to please drive faster. There’s simply no excuse for bad manners.” The ecstatic reporter caught every word, within minutes the video had gone viral and Nana had become a household name. She’s even been offered her own cable tv reality show!


493 Words in response to Finish That Thought #2-10, 500 word limit, mandatory first sentence, Special Challenge: Incorporate some kind of life lesson or moral.


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