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Ear Worms From Hell

May 27, 2014

Sometimes it seems like whoever’s arranging the soundtrack to my life is watching the wrong thing. They also possess a very twisted sense of humor. Have you ever had the “Jaws Theme” playing in the background when you’re taking a dip in the ocean? Not funny! The music is not just… wrong, it is a hundred and eighty degrees wrong! For example: if I’m trying to romance a girl I hear Sousa’s marches. If I’m down its disco. Happy moods garner the blues. Serious gets comic and vice versa. If I’m trying to relax its either hauntingly creepy or brain blasting techno pop, you get the picture.

It has caused me to lose jobs and girlfriends, sooner or later I get dumped or fired. Sometimes both things have happened at once. The problem is that occasionally I just have to sing along with the current tune. The very worst time was February of 2013. “Uptown Girl” got stuck in my head on auto replay. That’s 28 days; 672 hours; 40,320 minutes; or 2,219,200 seconds. I almost screamed. It was pure torture!

I’ve spent a large fortune on health care, been to every kind of ear and brain specialist in existence. I’ve had so many CAT scans and MRI’s that the technicians are all on a first name basis with me. I’ve popped so many different pills that I could open a small pharmacy with the leftovers. I’ve gone through psychiatrists like popcorn. They all scratch their heads in bafflement and give up. None of them have been able to help a bit.

My friend Bill who is a practising Buddhist came up with the explanation that makes the most sense. He says that its karmic justice for the sins of my previous lives. One thing’s for sure, I’m not setting one foot wrong in this life!


306 Words in response to Finish That Thought #47, mandatory first sentence, 500 word limit, Special Challenge: Include a Billy Joel song reference, lyrics, title, whatever.

Special Challenge Champion!

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