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Rewrite: The Twelve Days Of Christmas

December 21, 2013
twelve days of christmas

twelve days of christmas (Photo credit: wiccked)

Lord of the Dance

Lord of the Dance (Photo credit: mihairadu.ro)

 What if you could rewrite your favorite christmas song?

I choose The Twelve Days of Christmas, it needs some serious updating.

  • Okay, let’s start with “a Partridge in a Pear tree” and change it into something more accessable, “a Bluejay in a Fir tree“.
  • Then we have “Two Turtle Doves“, turtle doves are scarce, make it “Two Mourning Doves“, there are plenty of them around.
  • Three French Hens“, forget the fancy Frech part and make it “Three Free-range Chickens“.
  • Four Colly Birds“, what the heck are colly birds? I prefer the “Four Canary Birds” version.
  • Five Gold Rings“, who are they kidding? I can’t afford real gold and neither can anyone I know, make it “Five 18-Carat Gold Plated Rings“, even that would be a bit of a stretch.
  • Six Geese A Laying“, can stay as long as I don’t have to deal with them, nasty birds they are!
  • Seven Swans A Swimming“, not if I have anything to say about it! Swans are even meaner than geese. Make it “Seven Rubber Duckies A Swimming“, so much safer for everyone.
  • Eight Maids a Milking“, can stay, if you can find eight people of any sex willing to accept the low wages, bring them on!
  • Nine Ladies Dancing“, gets changed to “Nine Female Dancers“, so much easier to find.
  • Ten Lords A Leaping“, who can find ten Lords, much less ten healthy enough to leap? Change it to “Ten Male Cast Members From The Lord Of The Dance“, “hubba, hubba“!
  • Eleven Pipers Piping“, let’s simplify and make it “Eleven People Playing Woodwinds“.
  • And finally “Twelve Drummers Drumming“, can stay as it is.
  • As for “My True Love” if I could find any kind of lover who can afford to buy all of the original items, I’d snap them up in a heartbeat! As of 2013 the cumulative costs for all goods and services mentioned in the original lyrics is US$27,393.18

Emily

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